Day 41

Day 41. I think I finally see that the weekends are screwing me. It's like all the work I did all week, sorta of gets neutralized due to terrible weekend choices. So, this weekend, I'm gonna try nevertheless, once again to reign it in. And have some precooked food already in the fridge.

I'm sitting at 143. How sad. :-( I really hoped to be down a lot more by my birthday (still a month away) but I don't have much motivation - I really enjoy sweets!!

My exercise is on track, though. 5-6 times a week. Twice a week I strength train, with 20-30 mins of cardio before if I can fit it in, 1-2 step classes a week. 1 Yoga class with cardio before if possible. And a combat class,

SO, even though the weights isn't budging as quickly as I like (since I have sabotaged myself every weekend since I started probably) my waist has gone down an inch. Small successes. I always feel as though I write the excuses and am not as hard on myself as some could be. And I think that's true. But, 1 inch less on my waist is success. And I never dreamed I'd be eating a mere 1350 calories a day. I always thought I'd need so much more, based on what all the calories calculators suggest. And I'm finally reaching that place in my schedule where I am committed to going to the gym, even when I don't want to (usually takes a few weeks/months to get excited about the gym, once I've fallen off the band wagon). So, even though, every time I write part of feels like a failure, like I just am not willing, there's a more optimistic part of me coaching myself along, saying, I have done well.

Meh....it's a process. I used to be more intense. I hope to get back there!

Day 19 - Not Impressed

I'm just posting to shame myself really, LOL. I'm currently only about 2 pounds down. Today's official weigh in was 153.4. It could have been better

In the last 19 days, I have had one retreat weekend with students, (no vegetables included), and been sick twice: once with a migraine and nausea, and a week of sinus stuff from the fires burning down all the cedar. Needless to say my fitness road isn't as straight and narrow as I'd like.

I brought veggies on my student retreat ( I was a leader...not a student) but ran out of time and never actually cut them up...therefore I carried them around all weekend on refrigerator bag. 10 points for carrying them with me. 1 million negative points for not eating them. I did make a few healthy choices: drank mostly water all weekend, picked a decent meal at Pei Wei. But it doesn't matter, cinnamon rolls, pancakes and bacon, cookies....it all adds up.

My goal this week is to stay and the mostly straight and narrow, and utilize my skinny cow dream cookies...actually really good! But focus on the weekend. Have some food prepared to eat. The weekends are my pitfall. I get hungry, and lazy, then don't do anything but eat the worst stuff I can find. Or gobble up food I might be making for other people...case in point: Sunday Caleb brought home about 2 dozen cookies and a few brownies to give to his work buddies. By about 11pm, I was pretty hungry, from not eating enough throughout the day anyway. SO what do I do? I cave and make a grilled cheese sandwhich with 2 pieces of cheese, and about 3 huge brownies.....UM, not okay. Seriously: I'm only eating 1350 or so calories a day. My metabolism just isn't that great anymore. Luckily, I've noticed, even when working out, I'm not starving with this many calories, so I think I am ok.

8 weeks till my birthday. And at this point I'd have to have to lose more than a pound a week. Sigh. It's my fault.

That's OK. I'll do better this weekend.

Day 1 - August 2011

So it's a year and a half after the family started their journey on the weight-loss, exercise, nutrition journey. None of us finished the blog journey. In my opinion, it's always hard to do things alone.

I guess I am finding though, many times your health won't be something other people can always help you with. I have some friends I work out with a couple times a week, but I can't manipulate my schedule enough to always be with people I know. So I gravitate to instructors that are fun, or intense. But then, it's all up to me to get my lazy butt out of bed and actually work hard in the gym.

Anyway, a year and a half later, and I am ashamed to say I am 13 pounds heavier than my best days doing the blog!! WHAAAAAAATT!!?? How could that happen!? How could all of 2010's summer clothes NOT FIT!? Well I hurt injured my foot last October, so that stunted some workouts, then in March I really messed up my knee. Both injury cost me me regular workout schedule, and I had to go to physical therapy. And ever since October, it's been a battle to say no to all the junk food! I'm never very disciplined with food, if I'm not disciplined with working out. But that's baloney! I shouldn't trash my body with food, just because I can't workout.

SO, I'm a little bummed, thinking about what a chubster I've become since my injuries, and how I didn't actually have to let that happen.

Today is Day 1 of my short term journey to lose 13 pounds by November 8th - my 27th birthday. And then I'd hope to have my knees in decent condition, so I could start working from then on to get stronger above all else, and even leaner if possible....but I'm not going to think much on the long term...I'll evaluate that a little later.

So, if you get updates from this blog, you may want to quite that...it's just little me, alone, blogging, for my own accountability with myself.

Day 1. Body Pump + Elliptical for 15mins. Caleb and I are on our annual planning retreat, so we at Player's and Tiramasu. More calories than I need and more than I could work off for sure. Tomorrow's a new day. I will work to consume 1350 and no more. And go for a walk.

1 Pound a week for 7 weeks, and 1 pounds for 3 different weeks. Will put me at 142 by November 8th. 27 will be back to the plateau I hope, feeling healthier than now.

91 Days left

Today is the first day since my ski trip, that I really tried a lot harder to count my calories. Although, I made it a point to eat less carbs at night while on Colorado, and I was very intentional about eating veggies on the trip. I had a greens salad just about every night, and brought along some cherry tomatoes and snap peas to keep in my room as a snack. Call me crazy...but I can't survive on peanut butter and jelly sanwiches, cookies and chips all week. My stomach was complaining after the first day of that on the slopes. I did induldge in some awesome frito pie on the last day...I know....one America's fattiest and worst foods out there....but it was worth it. I take pride in the fact that I said I was going to straighten my act up, and I started on WHILE OUT OF TOWN!! Woohoo!!

I still failed miserably at the end of the day today, though, with an extra glass of rum and coke, and half a grilled cheese sandwich.

Tomorrow the real work begins. I must remember to:
A: Have enough food throughout the day ready for me to snack on so I don't get so hungry I binge on something not good
AND B: Save some calories so that I can have a bit of a snack before bed...bedtime snacking kills me, but I'm not ready to give it up, so I'll just have to save some calories for then.

I'm looking forward to more veggies and fruits, more water, and less crap.This week we've already been eating home cooked meals and tons of veggies. And I feel much better.

day...who knows.....102 DAYS LEFT

So.....it's almost 1 am, on December 26th. I'm stuffed with all kinds of artery clogging goodies. And I just wanted to get on to say, as soon as I get back from Colorado ( January 2nd) I'd like to start blogging again. Al the crap food makes me feel fat, swollen, and just yucky inside. It's nicer just to have a littler treat in moderation, then to go insane like I've been doing all month. I'll also have to start being more competent about not getting too hungry because then I eat horribly and not well anyway. Starting tomorrow, good eating habits begin again. :-)

Day 183 & 184 - Wednesday & Thursday...monologuing...oops!!

No one follows this blog I would imagine....or at least I can't see why anyone would car much. I'm not that interesting and the subject of continual calories and weight loss...or not, is surely not that interesting either. But wither way, I feel a little perturbed by my continual yo-yo lack of self-control. I guess it really is all in the way we view things and how we feel, literally on the inside - how our bodies are responding to how we treat them, and in our minds - how we feel about how we look or feel physically. Some days, I'm pumped and I feel pretty great in my head about the physical me. And some days I'm just so dissatisfied, and then get really angry that I am so easily swayed by the taste of food itself, people I spend time with, my situations daily, and my emotional state.

I eat because I "deserve" to make my mouth happy, especially, if I am tired, or REALLY hungry r upset.

I eat because when I am hanging out with students, ice cream and candy, and pizza, Chikfile, cheap McDonald's and all other less healthy alternatives, are easy, and fun, and I am happy and excited, so I disregard what I am putting in my body.

I eat poorer (esp. take out or fast food) when I don't have the ability or desire to make food at home.

And for lots of other reasons I eat....


My mom says I really shouldn't worry...I'm not "overweight." And maybe God wants me to be this way.

.....And she is right. I'm not overweight. Many folks would love to be my size: 9/10. With a smaller waist and hips to give me a fairly hour glass shape. And, I know I'm never gonna have that flat stomach, I mean....I was covering up the belly even when I was 6 years old, trying to hide it. But can't it be shaved off a little?

The trouble is...where does my desire to be thinner and stronger, and more molded into that curvy, hot, Scarlett Johansson bod, and the contentment that I am God's perfect creation, and there really are more important things out there than simply being thinner and more fit, mesh together. (And when will I learn that i can't trust the Spanx-toting, Kale juice-drinking, never-eat-a-dessert-or-I-might-gain-an-ounce-of-perfectly-normal-fat-to-regulate-normal-body-functions Hollywood....

I don't think I can have "the look" and not have to work very, extremely, brutally hard. But thus far...I feel like I've proven to myself I don't have one shred of self-control in my body. And that's a little discouraging. As noted by my caloric intake for the past two days:

Wednesday: a possible 1745 (I think, maybe 1845) no exercise. I am taking a class Saturday to make up for it.

Thursday: a proposed out of control 2428. Took Body Step. Probably burned 200-400 calories. I need to get a heart rate monitor so I can know.

Considering my goal is 1500...this is disappointing. AND considering I was 141/142 when I began this journey (well...146 but then got back down to that stability weight) and now am struggling to get back there from 148/149, I can't decide if I am really really pissed off at myself, or really really sad that i am back up in weight. I know I was experimenting with my diet, for a while and was eating around 1900-2000 calories, so it stands to reason, that I would have gained weight. And it's not the weight thing alone. I can tell in how my stomach is feeling and fitting that I'm not getting leaner. But that's the funny thing...my butt surely different in look, and my legs, as well. Both have gained more muscle. But I'm struggling to see the "lean" look I want. :-(

And IT'S THE HOLIDAYS almost. And now I am really trying to get back down. I'm glad as far as health is concerned I am better than when I started this life change. I usually eat more fruit and begetables. I drink WAY more water than I used to. And I exercise pretty regularly 5 times a week. And I have even increased my exercise from when I started. Phase 1: 3 a week swims. Phase 2: 4 a week swims Phase 3: Body Pump once a week and 2 or 3 swims Phase 4: Body Pump twice a week and 2 or 3 swims Phase 5: BP 2 times a week and 3-5 30 minute cardio workouts Phase 6: Pump twice a week, and 3 hour long cardio workouts. My next phase is to get some cardio in on the days I do Body Pump. And the next phase get extra 30 minute workouts on Saturday and Sunday. My knees have to work up to this still.

So I went from 3 15-20 minute swims a week, to 2 hour long weight lifting sessions which also get my heart rate up and 3 hour long cardio sessions. I guess that's pretty good...?

Anyway, I am still tottering between emotions. I'm sad that I just don't think I have what it takes to be disciplined. But I know I can't get sad enough to quit trying. That's horrible. I guess this is where the blog helps. AT least I can get it all out and admit how horrible and dissapointed I am about myself and my own will to change enough that I won't give up. I'll just express it and keep moving forward.

I think the other sad things is that I've had numerous compliments. Even a couple people say i look like I'm thinner in my stomach. But even that isn't encouraging me!! I have one of those bodies that can easily be made to look thinner or fatter. I just have to wear the right clothes. And let's be honest, I was taught since I was little how to suck the gut in...so I never really let it hang out, haha. There have been lots of times (seriously a lot!!) in the past years that I have visited home and people say "have you lost weight??" and usually I haven't lost any weight at all. So....I'm trying to stay positive about those compliments. But...whine...whine...whine....that's all I'm doing right?? Dang it.

I commit that today I will stay at 1500 calories. And my commitment to myself, and the blog for today will keep me accountable. HA! No quitting allowed, dang it.

Day 182 - Tuesday

Got up this morning and the scale is down to 146.8. I'm excited but depressed that I ate enough crap to gain 8 pounds in the last month. I'm such a yo-yo food eater. I just love sweets so much. :-(

Anyway, yay, I'm getting back down. But even at 26 it's getting harder and harder to lose weight fast.

Calories: 1580. And a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich included. :-) Plenty of water, about 4 veggies and 2 fruits.

Day 181...I think.

I just happened to check the blog today. I have had it in one of my tabs open ever since I started neglecting to blog...hoping someone would burst back on. AND LOW AND BEHOLD!!!!! LOlly-pants is blogging!! Yay!

So, I should be blogging, too. I've surprisingly been thinking about it all last week, but didn't want to try and figure out what day it was.

My story: I quite blogging for a little over a month. And in that time managed to get almost back up to 150 pounds. Some days I was calorie counting some days I wasn't. I finally went to the doctor and had a metabolism test run...and apparently my metabolism is definitely not fast. Her words were that my metabolism is very slow. But the results say i'm only 9% below average. What does that mean for my calories. Well, I have definitely been eating too many calories. Brooke and I talked last time I was in town and we were thinking maybe I needed to bump up to 1900 since I work out consistently. UH, no.

My RMR - resting metabolic rate is only a mere 1368. The paper I was given says I can add 408 for daily activities and another 142 if i exercise. Landing me at 1768 calories is my ABSOLUTE max if I am not working out....and that's to maintain ( I thought it was 2000).

Anyway, needless to say, I'm attempting to set my intake at 1500. Last week I had it at 1600 but keep going over 50 or 60, so I'm setting it at 1500.

Last week was my 1st week of 1hour long work outs. I went to a class everyday and worked my tail off for an hour 5 days. Rested on Saturday and Sunday. And got up today to do it all over again. I love Gold's gym.

Cheers to the future, and less pudge, and more blogging because we committed to it.

Another day another meal

Day 178

half of the granola bar(90)
mini cookies (100) - don't you just love the hundred calorie packs?
brownie (250)
slice of cheese (35)
veggies (80)
fruit (100)
ckbreast and onions (170)
juice (50)

for a grand total of 865 - I think my stomach has shrunk a lot - I just cannot eat as much


Day 179

Ah Saturday - eating out - on the go - not as much preparedness for meals...

Breakfast sandwich - 595 - no I did not eat the whole thing - that is half of the calories of the sandwich - what can I say there was sausage, second favorite only to tortillas...yum yum yum
juice (100), drive thru A&W got a rootbeer (180) almost forgot that, ck breast (150) and that is the total for the day 1135 - and if I need something else than hello juice wahoooooo


So this is sort of like talking to myself without the arguments - different but not bad. Even after just a week back on the program I feel better. While this is still about weight loss as and end goal - I am tired of being tired and just feeling nasty because of what I am eating. So we will see how it goes. I have no hope as far as keeping this going I am not going to talk a good game because I have not had one. So we will just wait for day 365 to role around to see what happens.

Of course I skipped a day - I procrastinate

Day 176

Old faithful granola bar (190), banana (100), soup in hand (80), fruit (100), chips and dip (est. 350), crackers and cheese (est. 275) and wine (85)

Day 177

Granola bar (190), mini cookies (100), rice (230), corn (120), fruit (100), shrimp (130), juice (50), eggs and toast (280)

Short and to the point - maybe there will be time and inclination for a story tomorrow.

And here we go again...

Day 174 and 175

So as we can see by this experiment - we have all failed miserably. I guess now is the time they say you need to get up off your @#%& (that would be butt) and finish what was started. We have all talked a good game but did not show up - Amber did a great job hanging in there but I am sure that it was lonely.

I am not telling anyone that I am blogging again - I am just going to see if I can last - haha.

On Day 1 the weight was 227.5
After some up and down and off and on the wagon the weigh in for Monday (174) was 215.5

It is time to try this again

174

Granola bar (190) old faithful. Banana (100), applesauce (50), chex (60), soup in hand (100) very cool by the way and convenient, fruit and cheese (250), egg and toast (140), ck breast (150), onion (20), tortilla chips (100) for a grand total of 1160.

175

Old faithful granola bar (190), 100 calorie pack mini cookies, rice (230), green beans (40), milky way bite(50), fruit (100), shrimp (130), egg and toast (280) for a grand total of 1120 - maybe I will have some of the V8 fusion light juice for 50 calories. We will see


This time I will be starting exercise next week - walking, stairs....anything to be honest. I have a stack of fitness and shape magazines it is time to use them.

So we hold out hope again that this will workout and I will stick with the program. Don't hold your breath:)

139-142 - Amber

I haven't been blogging like I should...I'm not gonna blame it on the blog being DEAD. hehe It's probably because Ive been forgetting. Luckily, I'm still counting thr calories and working out!

Day 139 (Monday) - Monday I did not exercising and ate 1963. I thought I was being good, but then I made this recipe thats didn't say the calories on it, and I didn't calculate until after I ate it. BAD IDea.

Day140 (Tuesday) - A bettter day. Did my cardio in the morning. And Body Pump and ate about 1950 calories. Glad I worked out, sucked it up in calories, again!!!! DANG it!!

Day 141 (Wednesday) Cardio'ed it up in the morning and ate 1821. We went to North by Northwest and I got my favorite dish, salmon with mango-caper relish and seasonal veggies with a substituted garden salad. And asked the waitress how the salmon and veggies were cooked (all with butter of course) so we nixed that. I'm so proud of myself for asking!! Still more calories than I bargained for.

Day142 (Thursday) - Cardio in the morning. And leg machines afterward. Woo tired!!! This was the worst day ever. I took 3 high school girls to Chilli's. Split cheese fries, and 2 Molten chocolate cakes with them. OMGosh!!!!! Gotta work on being more disciplined and at the same time not feeling so dang guilty when I eat the less nutritious stuff. I mean, splurging is OK, occasionally, right? But, it's the fact that it's just overall NOT GOOD to feed my body those things that makes me feel so guilty. Needless to say, I was rewarded with a massive headache by the time i got home. Wow. Calories landed at 2690. Please, no. :-(

Found out my resting metabolic calories expenditure is 1407. And my exercise moderately (3-5 times a week) calories expenditure in 2181.

My quest to take in 1700 daily is being severely dashed. WTHeck!! I'm so UNdisciplined. I'm trying to problem solve through that issue, cause it ain't working well right now. ARG!!!! I feel like i can't get it under control.

I'm getting the exercising down. (I mean cardio 5 or 6 times and weights 3 times currently is doing pretty good I think!! Especially considering I was swimming 3 times a week for 20 minutes to begin with to start low key. This week I was able to run for 15 minutes straight on the treadmill during my 35 minutes total!! HECK YAH!!) Now, if I can just get those calories in check!! AHHH!!!! In a lot of ways I am really unmotivated because certain food taste so good, and because being this hard core...well...not many others are this way. Because I'm not just trying to keep my calories at 1700, I'm trying to drink more than 8 glasses of water, eat 2+ fruits and 5+ veggies a day, only eat whole grains, and steer clear of most sweets. It's a tall order.

Days 135-138 - Amber

So...I'm not sure why I didn't blog Thursday but:

Day 135 Thurs: Calories 1834. I did 30 mins of cardio and lifted weights for my lower body.

Day 136 - Friday: Calories were out the wazoo horrible. Went on a retreat and ate everything that looked delicious including dark chocolate cupcakes, oreos, and butterfingers. I am quite ashamed of that. I did do my cardio and body Pump that day.
Day 137: calories I didn't count as I was still out of town eating other people's cooking but my restraint for the sweets was pretty good. Had like 3 small cookies and a taste of 2 friend's blizzards. Still went over calories im sure. I did go for a walk that morning.

Day 138: Calories still out of check even though I was home. Out of control is easy to be when you're guard is down and you've practiced it for a mere 2 days!! AH!!!! No cardio no nothing.

Pretty bad looking huh?

Day 134 - Amber

Yesterday was good. Took a break from my morning routine. But convinced myself and Caleb to take the dog for a walk. It was good!! I jogged a bit in the grass. We think we might have overexerted the dog (she threw up when she got home poor thing!!). But we all enjoyed it. Emmie was chasing us and barking while she chased us!! lol I'm glad I got a short run in there.

Calories for the day were 1690 with plenty of water and veggies and fruit!

Day 133 - Amber

Did my 30 minutes cardio before breakfast. Did Body pump, as well.

Took in 1730 calories.

Happy with today's results. :-)

Day 132 - Amber

OK...It's official. I have no self control. Tonight was Ryan's bday party. Also, BYOM (bring your own meat (to grill)). So we brought turkey franks, no buns to adhere to the personal trainer's rule of no carbs 6 hours before bed), fresh pineapple on skewers, and marinated veggies (mushrooms, onions, tomatoes, zuchini) on skewers. And grilled away!!

So, I'm guessing we at around 7:45-8:15ish. And I did great. Said no to the red velvet cake, and chips, and all the other foods I wasn't planning on eating. But 10:30 rolls around and the sour cream and onion kettle cooked chips are looking mighty tasty, so I have a few...and what is that there...? More MEAT? Well, I can by pass meat...especially fajita meat.

So I landed at 1986 (i think) calories, a good 350 more than I wanted for the day. AHHHHH!!!! I'm so disappointed in myself!!! Just say NO!! This is why my body fat percentage is at 30% - because I have no self control. AAARRRGGGGGG!!!!!!!!

Day 128-131 - Amber

I don't even know what happened to Thursday! I thought I posted that day. Dang!!

Well, days 129, 130, and 131 were a super fabulous BUST. Caleb and I went to Fredericksburg for the weekend to do some planning and relaxing. The whole goal was to get away to evaluate how we're doing in different areas of our lives.

But, let me just say, Fredericksburg is not the place you want to go if you're trying to find healthy food. As evidenced in the fact that Caleb and I each gained 3 pounds this weekend. We decided while we were there we would try and snack on veggies for snacks and healthier options in our room, and dinner we'd do the best we can. And then friday night started our escapades in "giving up." During the weeekend we ate: Mexican food (and it was horrible too...you apparently can go very wrong with chees3 enchiladas), fries smothered in cheese, MCDonalds, burgers. We tried to get a salad once, but it was horrible, so Caleb ended up eating it and i ate the burger we planned to split. (I'm so spoiled, and my husband is so sweet).

Needless to say, I did not at all stay within my calorie range. I did get in a lot of veggie and fruit snacking though. And I said not to all kinds of cakes and candy's etc etc. We did buy Fudge sunday, but we split it. And Friday and Saturday we had strawberries and whip cream.

It was really the biggest EPIC FAIL to date.

Luckily, today is going well. I did not want to cardio my butt of this morning before breakfast. But I did. And so far my calories are in check. I'm working on making some goals for myself, because I haven't been sticking to my calorie ranges very well the last couple weeks, and have been snacking a lot in the evening....bumping my calories over my quota....no, no. So, I'm thinking of switching my calories to a flat 1700, and still brainstorming how to work on the snacking. Basically, I need more discipline.

This weekend is a retreat out of town for planning for high school stuff. I'm not sure what to do about that...food wise. Maybe bring some veggies and fruit to snack on??

Day 127 - AMBER

When I came home from the gym I still had a good 670 calories left to get to 1700. I think I stayed under 1800...but I didn't count, honestly.

We had talapia with tomatoes, a handful of unsweetened carob almonds, some eggplant, zuchini and tomatoe stackers (coated in egg, panko crumbs, wheat flour and italian cheese and a bit of italian dressing. And lots of water. Seems like this could have been below 800 yah? i don't know.

I did my cardio this morning before breakfast, and my upper body resistance training with the personal trainer this evening.

Got all my veggies, all my fruit, and all my water!

Check. Check. Check.

Day 126? - Amber

I sucked it up yesterday for calories....I mean, relatively. I took in 1919. It's more than I wanted. I really need to work on saving a few extra calories at the end for evening snacks, sometimes I get hungry after dinner because we eat around 630, and may not go to bed to 10 or 11. And I eat small meals more frequently.

Experiment: saving a couple hundred after dinner to satisfy. Let's see.

Did 30 minutes of swimming yesterday.

Day 125 - Amber

Calories: 1720.

Workout: 30 minutes before breakfast on the treadmill. (my body is still getting used to cardio everyday before eating...so I've been tired lately!!) 10 minutes on eliptical and 30 minutes legweights and a few core things at the gym with the personal trainer (almost cried....it was brutal). Then another 15 low speed walk on the treadmill.

All in all...I was quite tired yesterday. But I felt like a champ for not crying during my workout LOL. Did I mention she tried to kill me? I mean, it's great, but wow, very hard.

BTW we are at least a third of the way through with our year commitment!! Yay!!